


i've got rubies in my hands now

by caesarions



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Developing Relationship, Family Bonding, M/M, Makeover, Male-Female Friendship, Mighty Nein as Family, after ep 91 but before ep 97, ultimate wingman jester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesarions/pseuds/caesarions
Summary: Jester traps Essek in her room to give him a makeover for the ages. Well, nottraps, as other opportunities arise.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Jester Lavorre, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 204





	i've got rubies in my hands now

**Author's Note:**

> although the focus of this little drabble is essek and jester's friendship, do not doubt her power to meddle and essek and caleb's power to act like austen's favorite suitors with no eye contact before marriage and getting aroused by exposed ankles
> 
> title is from old soul by saint motel, a song that made me think of shadowgast :-) please enjoy!

By virtue of walking around Caleb, Essek accidentally began walking around the rest of the Mighty Nein. Peering out of the library and Caleb’s quarters, staying for dinner. Past Fjord’s initial line of questioning, they did not seem to mind either way. The absence of expectations was a weight in itself. Essek still insisted another bottle of wine was his ticket through the door of the Xhorhaus.

Walking came with its own unique set of circumstances. The members recalibrated how to interact with his new height, as he did they. It seemed Caduceus and Yasha had to snap in half to talk to him. Curiously, he and Jester were almost the same height. She seemed determined to all hells to use this to her advantage.

Which could be why, the next time Essek entered, his feet did not even touch the floor.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting for a day like today,” Jester lilted, knocking Essek sideways as soon as he released himself from his spell. She began to carry him bridal style, what could only be described as a toothy grin hovering over him.

“Ah?” Essek croaked in the back of his throat, the wind knocked out of him.

“Dinner is really fancy and will take really long today, so I finally have the time!”

He idly wondered if this was what an assassination attempt would feel like. “May I ask for wh—”

“We’re the same size!” she said, as if that explained everything. “Oh, basically, I’m going to take you to my room and make you so pretty.” 

_I am the Shadowhand_ , Essek thought fiercely, though lamely. _I am the Shadowhand_ —

Essek recognized Caduceus appearing and taking the bottle of wine from him. Caleb was nowhere to be seen. “Play nice, you two.”

“I’m always nice!” 

“A—and strong, apparently so,” Essek mumbled as Jester bounded down the hall. He could just as easily float again and escape her grasp, but Jester’s anger was probably worse to bear. “How did you ever get so strong?”

“Oh, you know.” The tiefling winked and pressed a finger to her cheek. 

“...I very genuinely do not think I do.”

That left only one arm balancing Essek as they ascended the stairs, and his ears spiked in alarm as he scrambled for purchase around Jester’s neck.

Instead of elaborating, she went on about a particular outfit she had in mind until they reached her shared room with Beau. Thankfully, the cantankerous human woman was not currently in the room, so Essek had less to explain to her—and to himself.

Jester tossed him unceremoniously on what he hoped to be her own bed. After righting himself, Essek removed his mantle and hung it on Jester’s bedposts. Sitting on the edge once more, he reached up to de-fluster his appearance, of sorts, including running a hand through his snow-white hair.

“Oh, that is my first step, don’t you worry your little head.” Brush and ribbons now in hand, Jester leaned over him. “What’s your favorite color?”

He shrugged. “Silver.”

“Technically, that isn’t a color, though,” she pouted. “Next favorite?”

“Black, then.”

Jester looked at the rainbow of ribbons in her hand. Then, she looked back at Essek. The frown grew impossibly deeper. “Blue it is, I think. For Jester!”

Instead of asking Essek to move, she jumped on the bed and scrambled around him. Jester kneeled behind the drow to look down at his hair. Thankfully, her ministrations weren’t as aggressive as the rest of her.

“Have you ever considered wearing, oh, I don’t know, any bit of color at all?” she asked as she was halfway through the braid. Essek had no idea the hair above his undercut was even long enough to braid.

“I suppose it never occurred to me,” Essek chuckled. He folded his hands in his lap. “I can give you the name of my tailor so you can pass a note along, if it please you.” 

“Or we could just go shopping _together_.”

Before they could say anything further, a meow at the open doorway drew their attention. Frumpkin sat, bathed in the hall light, with just the tip of his tail twitching.

“Caleb! No peeking!” Jester huffed.

Raising an eyebrow, Essek turned as far as he could without interrupting. Frumpkin’s eyes were only as reflective as a normal cat’s eyes. “Jester, I do not think—”

The cat left them either way, and Jester eventually finished fussing with his hair. Essek ran a hand along the braid and rotated the bright blue bow around his finger. It was certainly a new experience, although the material was fine enough. 

“Now, now.” Mumbling to herself, Jester hopped off of the bed and returned to her vanity. She twirled around, shuffling through a mess of different powders and brushes. “My skin is blue, you know, but this makeup should mostly work on you. Technically, you’re purple, though.”

“You are correct. Last I checked—” Essek leaned past her to smile at himself in the mirror. “Yes, still purple.” 

He sat sideways on the bed now so Jester could work on his face. So far, it required a lot of poking and prodding at his cheeks. 

“I was right!” Jester said, audibly pleased. Her brush came away with a spray of blush. Essek could not help but wonder how the specs would have looked in the sunlight. “I have experience, you know. Molly was purple.”

“Ah.” Essek tasted ash on his tongue. “So I’ve heard.” 

He kept the one eye not currently bombarded by shadow open to check for any changes in Jester’s demeanor. When she only stuck out her tongue to focus, Essek released a held breath. 

“You are more cool-toned, though. I’m going for blues and greens here.” 

Essek flicked his ears and held up his hands for inspection. “Which would be the reason for these, hm? Silver.” 

“Oh, you like rings, too? Of course, of course—you’re fancy.” Jester stopped to pull at some of the pieces of his fingers, bands of various widths and carefully hewn stones. “This is the kind of color I was looking for! You know, jewelry gets me in trouble sometimes. There was this one time with the Gentleman—”

He bit his cheek as Jester continued turning his hands over. At the very first opening he could find, Essek interjected, “Would you like a ring or two of your own? I, ah, make all of my own jewelry.” 

“For me, Essek?” Jester pulled him closer by the hands as her tail curled up. 

“Well, certainly.” He gave a thin smile. “Perhaps some pieces with sapphires in them? For the... blue, quite obviously.” 

She tapped her finger to her lips, thinking for a moment. “No, no. Save them for what you make for Caleb. For his eyes.”

Essek tried not to think about the fact Jester could feel his cheeks heating up as she finished the other eye.

Even though she reiterated the outfit idea that she had in mind, Jester had to dig through her wardrobe to find it. The drow watched with measured concern as she tugged dresses on the floor to make more room and tossed shoes dangerously close to his face.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I should’ve asked if you want to wear a dress,” Jester yelled into the depths of the closet. “But I think you would look really good in one. Because I look really good in one.”

Sparing a glance at his closely trimmed Xhorhasian clothing, Essek mumbled, “Well, it is not my usual silhouette, but why not, I suppose?” 

“Wizards are so hoity-toity! Your robes look just the same.” She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. 

She sounded like she spoke from previous experience. Since he could not technically argue, Essek sat as she laid more outfits than the initial idea, all meant to match his ribbon. Since most of the dresses were white and gray and sky blue, he could indeed, perhaps, handle it.

“The problem here is, I think, most of them have petticoats,” Jester thought aloud, “so they might not look right while floating.”

“Ah. That’s fine—It doesn’t have to.” Essek shrugged.

“And your mantle should go over it… But it should be pretty, too…” 

As she pondered that, Caleb’s soft timbre and Nott’s endearing screeching floated up from the hall. After gasping, Jester darted towards the open door and threw her limbs out in a wide stance.

“Caleb, I said no peeking!”

“... _Ja_ , sure.”

Essek moved until he could sit on his knees to see the scene unfolding over Jester’s arms. Catching his eye, Caleb gave him a soft smile.

Glancing at Nott made Jester gasp again. “Wait, Nott, do you still have some of your cute flowers in your room?”

Even before Nott completely shrieked yes, the two of them were skipping towards Nott’s room. As soon as their giggles subsided, Caleb chuckled and stepped forward.

“Well, she forgot about guarding my honor awfully quickly,” Essek huffed.

Caleb came to rest against one of the bedposts. “I do not think that was ever the goal. What has she done to you?”

“Mostly this.” Essek circled his face and leaned forward. He glanced at the spread of potential outfits to avoid the intricacies of Caleb’s eyes raking over—not him, but Jester’s work. “I do not mind, however.”

“Well, you look splendid." After lowering his ice-blue eyes, Caleb gently scooped Essek’s fingers up from their place on the sheets. "Has she, uh, painted your nails yet? A favorite pastime, for sure.”

Jester had already put blush on him, so nothing looked amiss for now. He flexed to show bare nails before they fell naturally around Caleb’s hand. “Indeed, she has not.”

Caleb cocked his head. “I will be sure to remind her.”

“Then, I will be here forever!” Essek lamented, a laugh bubbling up from him.

“Will you stay after dinner, then, Herr Thelyss?” Before Caleb dropped his fingers, Essek’s ears perked up as he thought that he felt Caleb give them a little squeeze. 

“...I suppose I must.” Holding his arm to his chest, Essek smiled. “I have to get out of all of this tonight, after all.” 

Then, much like her favored thaumaturgy, Jester’s stomps reverberated back down the hallway. When she slid around the corner and burst into the room, Nott sat on her shoulders, holding onto a horn with one hand and holding a bundle of dried flowers with the other. 

“A change of plans, for now!” Jester announced in a low, self-important voice. Nott jumped from her shoulder and onto the bed, where she put the flowers on top of the other outfits. Jester pushed Caleb away from the bedpost to lean over Essek’s mantle. She immediately took one of the smaller stems and began weaving them in the silver jewelry about the neck. “Basically, I’m going to make it even prettier. Then, we’ll get back to you changing, Essek.”

“ _Ja_ , well, that is my cue to leave,” Caleb huffed. 

Essek grinned up at him, and their eyes met again. He pleaded in jest, “Take me with you.”

The wizard scratched at his beard, hand hiding his mouth. “Eventually.”

For now, Essek had no problem helping Jester wrap flowers around his mantle, tiny white blossoms that dangled into the deep velvet like stars. At some point, Nott jumped onto his shoulders and began to interweave them into Jester’s braid from earlier. The flowers were the same color as his hair, but Essek appreciated the effort either way.

Because Caleb’s hair almost appeared ruby in the permanent night outside of the Xhorhaus. And, after another thoroughly abnormal dinner, when they all climbed into the hot tub, he placed a cluster of white blossoms behind Caleb’s ear.


End file.
